I haven’t posted a blog post since December 2014.
My excuse? I didn’t have time. The number one excuse of 98% of people. But that’s not my excuse because I know how to make time. The truth of why I haven’t posted lately is because I did not have the motivation to do it and because I haven’t felt 100% in alignment with what I blog about. Even though I am 100% passionate about what I write about. I’ll explain more later on.
So what have I been up to lately while I have not been writing? I have been working on my real estate rental business. I have been focusing on my full-time job and accomplishing good things there. I have been working on my passion and that is coaching basketball, and coaching my kids. I have been focused on my family, working on communication with them. I have been focused on improving my relationship with my significant other. And I have been working on myself and growing myself, bridging the gap from childhood feelings to adult thoughts.
So in all I have done a lot, a lot to be really proud of. I have learned what I am really good at and what makes me happy. And if I can do it, so you can you. But that’s a teaching for another post in the future.
So why did I not feel 100% in alignment with what I blog about?
I took a lot of time this year to self analyze myself and learn about me. I am going to share with you something personal. Something I have shared only with those closest to me. Something I want to share that I think could help others. But definitely something that is out of my comfort zone.
A lot of you might not know that I suffer through depression. I battle it often, and when it comes it is hard to deal with, it’s not something I control, but it is something I have learned that I can manage. I have no idea why I feel depressed, I feel like I have it all. So I finally decided to see a counselor, it was my choice to see counselor, I started seeing a Licensed Psychologist. Why did I start seeing one? Because I thought I could fix myself, I tried everything, I started reading about self improvement as a way to improve myself and solve my problems. And it helped me but was never permanent. I believe in self development, self education, and self improvement very much. But sometimes some of us can help other better than we can help ourselves. But I believe that I can only help others after I helped myself, and that is why I have not posted lately. So I decided I needed help, the help of a mental and emotional professional. There is no shame in that. I realized I couldn’t do it by myself and I got help.
Why would I share this?
Because we all battle things, and some of us think we need to be strong and do it alone, that was my thinking anyway. But it’s not true, we need each other, we need coaches, we need mentors, we need friends, we need family and we need our tribe (social network). We are not solitary beings we are social. Although some of us are introverts and extroverts. We still need a support system. Life is beautiful and meant to be enjoyed, not faked, and not to feel lonely.
So what are some of the feelings I have lived with?
I have had emotions of anger, hate, fear, loneliness, inadequacy, lack of patience and the feeling of being lost. All while having drive, passion, positivity, commitment, competitiveness, love, the want to help others and want to succeed in life and not be a drifter.
It’s hard to explain but it is possible to have different or opposite feeling. Counseling has helped me sort through these feelings, I have discovered that these opposite or contradicting values and feelings I have were causing me stress, guilt, and worry leading me to anxiety and depression.
A small example of those contradicting values would be people vs accomplishments. With my kids I value them learning life skills and traits that they can use throughout their lives and become independent and self sufficient. So in my rental business I have them help me alot, but I would always take over projects that I had them work on, so we could get done quicker. Then I would get frustrated with myself because they wouldn’t learn what I wanted them to learn. I didn’t understand why it would take them so long to learn something so easy. And then I would say to myself that I would teach them another time, and when the next time came, I would do the same thing and take over. Through my conversations with my psychologist I have learned that it takes patience to put people ahead of accomplishments. So I learned what conflicting values I had. Teaching others for self sufficiency versus me wanting to finish and accomplish the goal.
So what did I learn from this small example I just gave?
I leaned that it is possible to accomplish the goal, but it might take a little longer to accomplish if I have patience and let people learn and make mistakes without taking over. In the long haul it will be worth a lot more, it will make it easier on me and my kids will be better of for it, both mentally and emotionally, and the same for me, all of our lives will be more fulfilled. It’s like saying goes— “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day, or teach a man to fish and he can feed himself for a lifetime.” So one value has to take precedence over the other but they both values could work together, if that makes sense. It’s about awareness, and this is how I can avoid depression and the guilt that causes depression. Learning awareness is the best thing a person can do it improve themselves for life. Then have the patience to consistently change. To ask themselves why they are feeling this way and then slowing down to figure out the answers.
Why do I want to share this with you?
This is the story of who I am. The why of why I act the way I do, the why of why I live the way I do. The why of why I don’t want to waste a day of my life.
I teach others because I am learning or struggling through it myself. I didn’t start as an expert, and I am not perfect. So when you read my blog, you will be reading things I am struggling with or things I am learning and things I very passionate about. I share these things with you so you can learn from what I am learning and from my experiences.
The four areas of life you should always try to
improve at least 1% daily are your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health. Without one the other can not be strong, there will always be something missing. It’s not an easy task to improve daily in each of this areas. But I highly recommend you make it your life goal to do so. If you do you will live a fulfilled life with no regrets.
Some of the other negative feelings I had, have driven me to success in many areas of my life.
If you are looking for help in any way here are the types of help available.
A Mentor is someone with experience who offers continuing guidance and support, willing to spend their time and expertise to guide the development of another person. Good mentors are able to share life experiences and wisdom, as well as technical expertise.
Coaching is about setting and achieving goals with the assistance of a person who asks you helpful and focused questions. Your coach’s emphasis is on your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and challenges related to the goals you have set. Coaching takes you from the present to the future.
Consulting is the service you seek to answer a specific problem using the expert knowledge of a professional. A consultant has specialized knowledge and expertise on the process or the problem that is of interest to you. Often a consultation will be a short term engagement on one specific topic.
Counseling is the process that focuses on the relief of distress. Your counselor should be someone with whom you can build trust and openness.You and your counselor will work together to help you cope, adapt and build skills to reduce distress.Counseling takes you from the past to the present from dysfunctional to functional.
Psychotherapy is a deeper and longer process than counseling. Clients who pursue psychotherapy want to make deep and significant changes in themselves. Depth psychotherapy means uncovering early history;becoming conscious of all parts of the self; improving self-awareness and self-expression; and sharing dreams, daydreams, metaphors,narrative stories, bodily sensations, intuitions and the experience of yourself in relationship with your therapist whenever possible.
Whatever person you need in your life at the moment don’t be afraid to reach out to them and get help. I hope this blog post was helpful to you.